Stuck in uncontrollable emotions?
By: Dennis Gowin. LMHC NBCC and Cheryl Gowin
Click here to contact Dennis and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
Many of us have times when we feel out of control and unsteady. The problem is to determine how we got there – stuck – in the first place and then to find the solution to getting out of the pattern – or unstuck.
So how do we get stuck?
When you are learning an activity, you are aware of the steps that it takes. For some of us, we remember taking dancing lesions and counting 1, 2, 3 as we tried to fox trout. If you watch “Dancing with the Stars”, they are well past the counting the steps stage. Their moves seem almost automatic. Star athletes are another good example. They make doing what we try so hard to do look almost effortless. Why? Because of hours of practice. You may have heard the term muscle memory. Practice develops a pattern in the brain that creates automatic actions or reactions. This happens when the neurons in the brain form a firing pattern and this pattern automatically takes over when you perform a familiar task.
Emotions and reactive behavior can be the same as “muscle memory”. Events that our brain sees as a threat can activate the fight or flight center of the brain which takes over control and affects our reactions. For example, unresolved negative events and emotions from childhood can deeply imprint a threat response in the brain that, when triggered, will hijack our reactions to events even as an adult. The result is an automatic response that is usually unstable emotionally and, can be, a bit childish. To put it another way the unresolved pain from our past can affect our reactions to current and futureevents.
We can feel stuck in anger, restlessness, jealousy or sadness, to name a few, without knowing exactly how we got there. Without taking time to consciously rewire automatic responses, old patterns will continue to fire throughout adulthood and can create tremendous stress within relationships, most notably marriage, parenting, and at work.
Stuck emotions can feel scary and that’s why most of us spend tremendous energy avoiding an encounter with them. And with good reason! Out of control emotional responses can be frightening and have a devastating effect on our world.
Getting unstuck involves a process of determining the triggers to your emotions and beginning practiced awareness. Changing automatic patterns of behavior requires that we wake up to where we are stuck and learn how patterned behavior plays out both physically and emotionally. But we must understand this is not an easy or one time process. Even Paul talked about his struggles with doing what he did not want to do. (Romans 7:14-28)
This can be a rough and painful process. Having someone come along side and help us examine our emotional reactions and determine our triggers may be helpful. This person can help us identify the actions, words, events or circumstances that act as triggers to our emotional responses. In addition, this person can help us understand and rebuild our reactions to these triggers. This is demonstrated in AA’s 12 step program. An alcoholic may drink to mask pain from the past. AA’s 12 step program revolves around first admitting you can’t control your drinking and working with someone who can help you grow through the process of developing a new code of behavior.
Getting unstuck requires the faith that God will help us change and the resolve to work through the issues that will affect the change. This can be a bumpy and uncertain road. But, with practice we can manage to get past the stuck emotions and distress we are feeling without freaking out, falling apart, isolating, or using chemicals.
©Copyright 2008 by Dennis Gowin. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry.
Click here to contact Dennis and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile