Selection Snags & Snares
By: Roz Van Meter, MA, LMFT, AASECT diplomate
SELECTION SNAGS AND SNARES TO BEWARE OF
Many a woman has tripped over some of these—maybe several of them, several times—before she woke up and smelled the coffee.
Rehab Project: Believing a fixer-upper will become kind/romantic/trustworthy/fair/sober/adult through the magic of being with you. Particularly dangerous when your goal is to make someone else happy. Can’t be done. Your love can only help create an environment in which he’ll be happy if he decides to.
Instant Fix: Looking for immediate gratification, rushing into too much intimacy too soon (including sex), leapfrogging over the friendship phase.
Hourglass Panic: Fearing the biological clock, or gravity, or your driver’s license Date of Birth
Masked Ball: Putting someone else’s face onto him (unfinished business with the past).
Last Stagecoach Out of Dodge: Believing there is no one who will really fit, so you’d better grab a ticket fast or be alone forever (forgetting that there is NO loneliness like the loneliness in a bad relationship).
Imprisoned in the Tower: Believing you must be rescued from your emotional or financial neediness, thereby attracting control freaks or co-dependent enablers.
WYSIWYG: Pronounced wizziwig. Believing that What You See Is What You Get. Hasty decision based on short-term impressions.
Infatuation Boogie: Interpreting attraction, need, chemistry, good sex, and/or attachment as love.
Feel-Good Trap: Assuming that if you have fun together you are Meant To Be.
Magic Trap: Believing that your ideal partner / soul mate will magically appear. (Note: The good candidates will not parachute down your chimney, girlfriend. You’ll have to get out there.)
All-Or-Nothing: Evaluating people solely for their romance potential, instead of cultivating new friends.
©Copyright 2008 by Roz Van Meter. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry.