Leadership: Helping Others to Succeed
By David W. Earle
Click here to contact David and/or see his GoodTherapy.org Profile
David Wright (Wright)- Interviewer
Our author today is David W. Earle, LPC, whose entire business is built around conflict. No, he is not a terrorist, but every one of his disciplines revolves around releasing the creative energy of conflict; use conflict correctly, and positive results are extremely likely.
His disciplines include mental health counseling, business coaching, mediation, arbitration, training, critical incident stress debriefing, and change agent. Earle weaves these different but allied disciplines into a successful matrix of business coaching. His clients range in size from family-owned businesses to Fortune 500 companies; people are the raw material of his trade.
Wright:
“Positive results from conflict”, that seems like an oxymoron; can conflict really be creative; can conflict build rather than destroy?
Earle:
1. Most experiences of conflict involve disillusionment, hurt feelings, lawsuits, violence, and war. However, when used correctly creative conflict has positive results! Businesses are learning how to develop their teams to use conflict correctly so positive results happen.
2. Creative conflict doesn’t look like fighting; it appears much different than the traditional adversarial style. There is mutual respect, honest and direct communication; the disputants listen for understanding ad attempt to appreciate another point of view. Although fair fighters may enthusiastically present their opinions, there is mutually respect. They search for areas to be flexible instead of maintaining absolute positions. When creative conflict is working, employee retention, productivity, and morale are greatly improved.
Wright:
Do businesses understand this concept, have they embraced this idea?
Earle:
3. Although using conflict as a creative force is a growing trend, many organizations have not fully embraced the concept. There are several important reasons for this resistance. The first is ignorance; managers have yet to learn how to use conflict correctly; they don’t recognize how to use this power. This is understandable, for in everyday life most people try to avoid conflict, especially if they’ve had a bad experience; who hasn’t? Another reason is fear. If there is little confidence that conflict is a creative force, then fear will control the conflict. This, coupled with knowing how to appropriately express strong ideas, concerns, or emotions, makes a powerful combination.
4. In the past, a business evaluated their employees based upon the Intelligence Quota or IQ. Painful experiences have taught that intelligence is a poor predictor of how successful an employee will be. A better predictor is emotional intelligence or EQ. In the book, Emotional Intelligence at Work, Hendri Weising, Ph.D. states, “Most experts now agree that those who climb the corporate ladder most quickly are those that possess the highest degree of emotional intelligence.”
5. Those with lower EQ think about conflict in terms of winning and losing - destructive thinking as in: if I didn’t win, I must have lost. This concept often permeates organizations and in the most destructive state becomes winning at any cost. This attitude creates short-term positive results but is devastating to the ultimate ethics of an organization. Creative conflict is not about winning and losing; people with high EQ win by helping others to win.
Wright:
You are saying people with high emotional intelligence are more successful; what is the reason?
Earle:
8. In any human decision, there is a high compound of emotions involved. Most managers do not recognize that there is an emotional component to decision making. When emotions are not properly accounted for, expressed, acknowledged, or handled the decisions have a powerful and often troublesome undercurrent. When people do not voice their emotions, there is a strong tendency to act out these hidden feelings. By not acknowledging and speaking out emotions, people stuff feelings into a metaphoric, internal anger pot. Think of emotions as energy. When energy is stored in a large pot, what happens to the energy not released but allowed to build? The pressure builds until it ultimately explodes. Humans are no different, when the built up emotions (energy) becomes critical, disaster often happens!
9. Emotions become a guide when acknowledged and appropriately expressed, an internal radar system that helps people navigate throughout life. The Titanic was a ship without radar with a tragic ending. Emotions not properly managed are often acted out, often in destructive patterns such as employee theft, a slow down in production, change in attitude, or decreased motivation. Unmotivated employees know just enough to get by and when they are in that mode, just-enough is all management is going to get from them.
10. If you were kicked in the shins, would you yell “Ouch”? Sure, you would. Well that is physical pain, why is emotional pain different? Why can’t we say, “Ouch”? Instead of acting out the hurt, we need to be able to say “ouch”.
11. When I worked for MacTavish and Associates, there was only one restroom. On the first day, the office manager told me, “My pet peeve is the commode seat; I hate to walk in and see the commode seat up. Would you remember to put it down?” I like people to tell me what they need, so I did a great job of putting down the commode seat. One day when I finished in the restroom, my normal behavior would have been to put the commode seat down, but on this day I’m was mad at her! I was thinking, “I’m not going to put this commode seat down ever again. In fact, after someone else uses the restroom, I’m going to go in after them and raise the commode seat! It was then that a little slogan popped into my head: “If you don’t speak it out, you tend to act it out.” I knew then I had to put the commode seat down and go to her office and express what was going on with me.
Key question: Am I properly expressing my emotions, or am I lifting commode seats?
Wright:
I think I’ve lifted a few commode seats in my past! What are other characteristics of emotional intelligence?
Earle:
12. Another manifestation of low emotional intelligence would be a person who “has to be right”. My friend, Andy Shurr, says that the largest addiction in the world is the need “ … to look good and be right.” You can especially see that dynamic in religion and politics. There are no other areas that have the same potential for conflict then those two areas. This rigid thinking has caused many wars. For some reason, humans tend to want to be right especially in their religion and politics!
13. In the comic strip, Hagar the Horrible, Hagar and his whimsical sidekick were involved in a big battle with the enemy. The sidekick asks, “Why are we fighting so hard?” and Hagar emphatically responds, “Because we’re right!” The sidekick looks at him and inquires, “The other side is fighting so hard because they are wrong”!
14. The attitude of being right creates black and white thinking; either you are for me or against me; my way or the highway, there’s no room for gray. Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict.
15. It is impossible to judge and accept someone at the same time. Black and white thinking requires a judge’s robe and gavel of judgment. “… looking good and being right,” is the opposite philosophy of: “live and let live.” Taking off the black judge’s robe, working on understanding others, and enjoying living in the gray area between the black and white are giant strides in developing emotional intelligence.
Wright: Can a supervisor operate in the gray area of acceptance and still get good productivity?
Earle:
16. Creative conflict says this not only is possible but desirable. Being in the gray between the absolutes allows leaders to solve problems instead of looking for a scapegoat. What happens when people feel blamed? They get defensive and hypersensitive to criticism; black and white thinking operates in the blame mode.
Key question: Do I operate in black or white thinking, or am I in the gray area of acceptance?
17. People with high emotional intelligence are excellent listeners. I did a training program for the Department of Corrections, Hunt Correctional Unit in Geismar, Louisiana. At the end of the training, we invited the warden to share his answers to a list of questions the class generated for him. This was a planned activity to generate a dialogue between the warden and the security officers. At the end of class, I overheard two sergeants as one said, “You know, I didn’t get many of the answers I wanted, but I’m really glad I was heard!” St. Francis of Assis said, “Seek first to understand than to be understood.” All people have a powerful need to be heard, to be understood, and not judged. It is amazing that when “seeking to understand” is the focus, the chance of mutual understanding substantially increases!
Key question: Do I listen for understanding or do I demand attention first? If I ask others how good a listener I am; what would they really tell me?
Wright:
If I asked others if I was a good listener, I probably would not like their answers! Can organizations improve their emotional intelligence?
Earle:
18. Frank Conrad, the plant manager of Certain Teed, Inc. in Lake Charles, La, and I worked together in changing the plant’s management style. The old method had not changed since the plant was built in the early 1970’s but now they wanted more employee empowerment and responsibility. Once these employees perceived that a change was occurring, production immediately started to increase.
19. The previous command/control management style did not listen to the employees, did not engage the employee’s minds, and certainly did not engage their spirits. One employee made a very distinct statement that “… when I get to the gate I keep my mind in the pickup truck”! In fact, that was exactly what had happened. Management thought that employees did not need to think or to be part of the decisions; all that was required of them was to follow orders and do what they were told. The question then became how do we get minds and spirits “out of the pickup at the gate” and fully engaged in the work process? Certainly the old style did not work.
20. What business needs is the employee’s minds, hearts, as well as their hands. As this project continued, success could be gauged by that same person’s reaction. At one time, he said as only the colorful Cajun can express, “You know, I rolled down the window today and let my mind out a little bit; it wasn’t so bad.” He started making progress on bringing his mind to work and he experienced some very successful results.
Key question: Are my employees’ minds at work, fully engaged or out in the pickup truck?
Wright:
You say that emotions are a key part of emotional intelligence, but can emotions really be managed?
Earle:
21. “We discipline ourselves to discipline our children.”, Ross McElwee said; I wish I had that slogan when I raised my children. Instead of taking time to calm down, I reacted in anger and my discipline towards my children was reactive punishment. Although this concept proves true for parents, it is also true for supervisors. If a supervisor does not have self-discipline, there is a tendency for an emotional reaction; when that happens, the desired message gets lost in that strong reaction.
22. Everyone has experienced strong feelings and the expression of these strong emotions is appropriate. People with high EQ know how to fight fair, and how to understand others. Channel the power of anger; when using anger correctly, it usually has positive results and actually builds, not destroys, relationships.
Key question: Am I using anger correctly to build relationships or is my anger hurting others?
23. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I was contracted by Procter & Gamble in their New Orleans Folger’s Coffee plant as a Critical Incident Counselor. In this role, I got to know many of the employees very well. They would talk about the trauma of losing everything, how devastated and helpless they felt. Some explained what they were doing to get their lives back after that horrendous, destructive force. Many experienced the loss of all physical possessions, having friends/loved ones scattered to different states, and all lost the feeling of safety.
24. People who started doing something and not waiting for FEMA, their company, union, or church to rescue them suffered the least depression and anxiety. Not waiting allowed them to resist the temptation to be consumed by negativity and they progressed much further along the recovery path than those who remained in self-pity. Two very negative employees taught a powerful lesson; after listening to them complain for 45 minutes about how terrible everything was, I developed a theory: negativity and happiness cannot exist in the same person at the same time.
25. Obviously, in any process there are roadblocks. To ignore those would be to stub your toes on the Pollyanna Highway. Even when toes are hurt, is it necessary to wallow in the self-pity? Does negativity have to be the master? Barbara Jordan said, “Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.”
Key question: Does my negativity keep me from being happy?
26. Many people do not know how to manage emotions, or even acknowledge that part of being; they spend considerable energy suppressing or intellectualizing about their emotions. When unaware or in denial of their feelings, they live from the head up, disconnected from their hearts; living in their thoughts instead of connecting with their rainbow of emotions.
27. People with high emotional intelligence understand and manage their emotions, not allowing their emotions to be in control. Companies that collectively have high emotional intelligence allow for the proper expression of emotions. I helped Valero Krotz Springs Refinery improve their plant culture by changing from the command/control style to one of increased employee responsibility as well as improved communications between hourly and management. In a meeting with their senior directors, I asked them what they were feeling about the concept of empowering their employees. Many expressed thoughts as opposed to feelings, as to why this will never work, but one got honest and said, “Stark raving fear!” Once that honest emotion was expressed, it gave everyone else permission to be emotionally honest, then these managers began to deal with their fears. All business decisions involve a large component of emotions. Often these feelings are not acknowledged and the results are really reactions to hidden feelings rather than the cool calculated thought process. When not dealt with, emotions often come out in unintentional and destructive behavior.
Wright:
I now see how important emotions are in success. How do companies help their employees increase their emotional intelligence?
Earle:
28. Peter Connelly told me, “I do not have a hook outside my business where my employees hang their emotions when they come to work; they bring their emotional lives with them.” Peter understood people bring their emotional lives to work. Once a month, all the employees would have a “Gung-Ho” meeting where everyone talked about what they were experiencing, what was causing them problems, and a place to express honest feelings. This process broke the myth of male machismo; these men discovered the value of being honest, the power of being vulnerable. The truth is that only the strong can be vulnerable. My personal experience confirms this. When I was not able to be emotionally honest, I did not feel strong, so I exaggerated my importance with arrogance while hiding rock-bottom self-esteem.
29. In some organizations, there is a stratification of employees usually delineated between hourly and management. The hourly do not feel part of the decision-making process and management keeps it this way, unwilling to share power. Employees often have very little input into the outcome of the business other than to follow orders, they do what they are told, and having little part of the decision making process. Employees cannot develop buy-in when they are not part of the process.
Wright:
How does management exacerbate this schism between hourly and management?
Earle:
30. When management pays lip service to employee input but closely guards the power. This attitude locks everyone into a “us or them” power struggle. As unproductive as that effort becomes, both sides are perpetuating it. For as bad as it is, change is messy. When the status quo is threatened, change becomes scary. Emotions not understood, acknowledged, or expressed, are hidden, and when they surface often have unintended results.
Key question: Am I living from the head up, or am I connected with the full rainbow of my emotions?
Wright:
What skills do emotionally intelligent leaders use to solve conflict?
Earle:
31. In creative conflict, the participants must learn how to fight fair. Conflict is really about the perception of “lack”, focusing on limitations instead of possibilities. This thinking kicks in natural survival instincts of fear. Sometimes supervisors are overly concerned about how others perceive them. If worried about employee perception, supervisors tend to be over-accommodating. If overly worried about their superior, there is a tendency to crown that supervisor as a “jerk”.
32. Employees lose respect when their leaders exhibit extreme behavior as in the “accommodator” or “jerk”. Accommodating occurs when discipline is not enforced when needed, allowing employees to get away with less than optimum performance or behavior, not insisting on excellence. The accommodating leader has a desperate and over-developed need to be liked, allowing employees to control the results. By acquiescing to employee mediocrity, these supervisors avoid rocking the boat, to suffer the possibility of employee rejection.
At the other end of the spectrum are the supervisors who jealously guard power, becoming minor dictators. These managers will rock the boat just to flex their supervisory muscles. Arrogant supervisors get the label, “jerk’ when employees are treated as parts of a machine that must be driven to obtain results.
Some managers never get out of one of these two modes; both styles destroy trust and create uncertainty. These two styles come from the same emotion, fear; low self-esteem feeds this feeling. This all-consuming and often unrecognized need for acceptance drives their management style resulting in: loss of respect, declining morale, and increased stress; loss of productivity and high turnover rate are the by-products. Employees do not quit companies; they tend to quit their supervisors!
Wright:
Therefore, by improving the emotional intelligence of supervisors, the turnover rate will decrease. What needs to be done to start this change?
Earle:
38. Labor is not willing to be part of the solution to the problem when management does not first exhibit leadership. Empowerment has to be a two-way dynamic. Ferro Chemical wanted assistance in solving an “us and them” problem in its Baton Rouge plant. They scheduled first-line supervisors to leadership training, and it was a disaster; nothing was working! Finally, in frustration I inquired as to why this previously, highly successful program was not working for this group. They responded, “If there is a “us and them” problem in this plant and “us” is here, where is “them”? “Do we represent the entire problem?” The obvious answer was “no”. Until management asks a very simple but powerful question, solutions to this type of problem will continue being illusive. Whenever there is a problem, conflict, misunderstanding, or decrease in employee productivity, successful leaders always ask, “What is my part in this problem”?
Key question: Do I first search myself to find my part in the problem?
39. Often, supervisors and employees are locked into power plays that result in decreased communication, hardening of the attitudes, and black and white thinking. Both sides of this division contribute to the insecurity that drives this separation. Do supervisors know how to manage without using a “big stick?” Employees may respond with fear to the crushing power of management; this fear is what creates the need for labor unions, balancing the power. Employees who are not in fear of being crushed by management do not need labor unions.
Wright:
I do not work well for “big stick” bosses! What are some other skills high emotionally intelligent leaders have?
Earle:
40. People with high emotional intelligence are able to admit when they make a mistake. The 10th step of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is, “Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” The “… promptly admitting it” is a powerful skill, accepting personal responsibility for one’s own part in the problem. Once a person admits to their part in the problem, resolution is closer. Insecure people have difficulty doing this.
Key question: When there is conflict, do I ask, “How am I contributing to this problem?”
41. Emotionally intelligent people are honest, not just respecting other’s property but also emotionally honest. Being willing to express appropriately what they think and feel. When there is a problem, where is the focus; on solving the problem or on looking for someone to blame, compliance on rules or empowering employees to improve through risks? The answer directly relates to performance.
42. Where there is an attitude of blame, there is an increase of the “CYA factor.” Employees who are looking over their shoulders, anticipating receiving blame, are not willing to take risk. Without risks, change cannot happen, and without change. When fear rules and employees do not risk, is the bankruptcy graveyard far in the future?
Key question: Are fingers pointed at employees or are they concerned with solving problems?
Wright:
Are there other dynamics affecting productivity?
Earle:
43. In order for anyone to feel enthusiastic about what they do, they must find meaning in it, an invested interest in the outcome. What is the meaning of your job? Once a month my advisory board meets and we help each other with our respected businesses. One member asked, “If you won the powerball lottery, what would you do?” Most members said they would not make significant changes; translated, they recognize meaning in what they do that extends far beyond the financial rewards. They understand how what they are doing contributes to the greater good of humanity.
44. If there is a realization, that how one earns a living has a significant meaning to others then there is a greater motivation and a joy in their job. Dedicated leaders in Boy and Girl Scout programs, or priests or teachers are not highly paid professionals and yet they will work tirelessly in their jobs, not because of the pay, but because they recognize a deeper meaning in their occupations.
Key question: Am I connected to the meaning in what I do? Are my employees?
Wright:
Is there a fundamental change required before conflict can become creative?
Earle:
45. Randy Rush, the past president and CEO of Community Coffee, Baton Rouge, La talked about this change best when he said just four words: “profits, patrons, processes, and people”. Rush explained that U.S. businesses are driven by the first word, profits; owners, stockholders, everybody wants big profits. As he elaborated, profits are the driving force of U.S. businesses, followed by patrons (customers), followed by processes then the people. Russ thinks this philosophy is shortsighted; in fact, the word order is actually backwards! It should begin with “people”. Getting the right people in the right place with the right atmosphere is the first step. When the right people are in place, develop the processes, what you do and how you do it. Once processes are developed and everyone understands how to do what they do, then empower employees to improve on these processes. Employees use their special knowledge of their jobs to make it better, faster, or cheaper, music to corporate ears. When the people and processes are in place, spectacular results occur; empowered employees take care of the patrons and profits follow great customer service.
46. Most pizza businesses experience an 80% turnover rate of employees every year. DeAngelo’s Pizzeria Company, Baton Rouge, La has the opposite, a low 20% turnover. DeAngelo explains, “I can’t be with every customer but I can be with every employee.”
Key Question: In what order do I rank these four words: people, processes, patrons, and profits?
Wright:
Does conflict involve change and is doing things differently difficult?
Earle:
47. Change is a significant part of conflict. Conflict requires change; changing from the focus on profits to one that emphasizes people. Change from control of employees to empowering them, articulate and train employees about that message, and then insist upon responsibility. Although this sounds logical, it is not an easy transition to make; change never is. As Bob Pries with Procter & Gamble says, “change is messy.”
48. When I started working with Valero Energy, I told the plant manager, Ralph Youngblood that I would act as the change agent to assist in solving the “us and them” attitude in the plant. “I’m going to be the needle and you are going to be the doctor, and we’re going to puncture this boil. We will get puss all over the place, but this wound is going to be healed.” That turned out to be a very apt description of the change process; “change is messy!”
50. On this project, we started getting people to share all the misunderstandings, hurts, and limited communications that caused the great rift between management and hourly employees. Once we provided the opportunity for dialogue to begin, people began to communicate what they have been holding back in some cases for 20 years! This process was messy, but then conflict is inevitability messy.
51. Bob Pries also said, “Change in the absence of content is chaos.” In order for change to work its wonderful magic, there needs to be a clear understanding of the change process and the ultimate direction of the change, delineating the goal. This objective needs face-to-face dialogue, not with emails or letters but sincere and open verbal exchange. There is no substitution for direct, honest communication. Say the message many times, many different ways, but articulate it directly; then change will happen.
Key Question: How comfortable am I with the change process?
Wright:
Creative conflict is really about change, a shift from fighting and fear to understanding and respect from which positive result flows. Is this your basic message?
Earle:
Well said, although it defies conventional wisdom, Randy Russ’ formula of putting people first is the blueprint for successful employee empowerment. Changing from a focus on profits requires a different workforce. The bad news is that this transformation requires leaders with high emotional intelligence. The good news is that emotional intelligence is teachable; people can change, and employees no longer have to be enslaved with fear.
Coupling emotional intelligence with the dynamic force of creative conflict provides a competitive advantage not shared by most. Organizations that recognize and nurture putting people first, teaching emotional intelligence, and allowing the creative power of conflict to lead their teams, are better able to prosper in the global economy.
Wright: That was interesting; I think I will go create some conflict just to discover it’s creative results!
Earle: Although I recognize the tongue-in-cheek part of your last statement, there is an element of truth in what you said. Sometimes, conflict is exactly what needs to happen; if you use it correctly, positive results usually happen.
Wright: We have been talking with David W. Earle, LPC. He has contributed articles to six different magazines on life skills topics. Before entering the mental health field, he was in the Gulf Coast petrochemical business as executive vice president and business development manager with several specialty contractors, at one point having over 800 people report to him. In Houston, Texas, he was part owner of a private investment banking and corporate trouble-shooting company. He started Earle Company in 1991 as a consultant to the manufacturing and construction business.
©Copyright 2008 by David W. Earle. All Rights Reserved. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The following article was solely written and edited by the author named above. The views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the following article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment to this blog entry.
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